How to Discover Your Values: The Complete Guide

Getting clear about your core values can and will change your life. When you are tuned into what matters, you make clearer decisions, reduce ambiguity, and focus your attention on deliberate, meaningful action. You can view challenges and opportunities through the lens of your values, which builds psychological flexibility.

This isn't just a nice idea. Research shows that people who affirm their values have significantly lower cortisol responses to stress, because they trust their ability to respond to challenges in an aligned, authentic way. Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal, reviewing the evidence in The Upside of Stress, describes values writing as one of the most effective psychological interventions ever studied, linked to greater feelings of strength and control, better self-regulation, and less rumination after stressful experiences.

This guide will help you discover your values using a range of tools and techniques drawn from Start With Values. Some are cognitive, some are intuitive. Treat this page as a workbook: skip the tools that don't resonate and use the ones that do. All you need is a pen and paper, or your favorite note-taking app.

Prefer a guided experience? The free, research-backed Values Assessment reveals your top five values in about three minutes, no sign-up required.

First, a map: the Values Pyramid

Every discovery process benefits from a map. Ours is the Values Pyramid, a model developed with input from academics, data-driven insights, and analysis of responses from tens of thousands of people across more than 100 countries.

At the base sit our Survival values: security, food, water, shelter, and financial stability. Above them, Belonging: love, family, friendship, community, fairness. Then Growth: learning, achievement, physical and mental well-being. Near the peak, Impact: influence, autonomy, wealth, work-life balance. And at the top, Fulfillment: meaning, gratitude, connection to something greater than ourselves.

Another way to view the pyramid is through three states of being:

1. Survive. Meeting essential needs for security, health, and resources.
2. Engage. Awakening your potential through learning, curiosity, relationships, and achievement.
3. Thrive. Flourishing beyond the self: making an impact, finding fulfillment, contributing to the well-being of others.

The pyramid is not a rigid structure. It's a fluid, living framework. We hold values across every layer at all times; the question is whether we're conscious of them, and whether they're guiding our behavior toward fulfillment. When foundational values are threatened, they naturally demand our attention. As each layer feels secure, we become free to prioritize higher, more enriching values.

With the map in hand, let's start the discovery process. Here are four methods. Use one, or use them all.

Method 1: Use fulfillment as your guide

Fulfillment is derived from meaningful action, which is directed by values-based decision-making. So let's start at the top of the pyramid and work backward: reflect on what has brought you the most fulfillment in your life so far.

Spend ten minutes writing down the events, achievements, or behaviors you are most proud of or grateful for. I'll share mine as an example. My fulfillment has come from:

• Adventure: times when I set off into the unknown with no map or plan.
• Creativity: giving a creative gift to the world, be it a book, blog post, movie, or photograph.
• Fitness: feeling physically strong, flexible, and ready to push my limits. The high from intense exertion.
• Love: experiencing love for family, friends, colleagues, and, sometimes, all living beings and the world.
• Peace: achieving moments of deep rest without guilt. Allocating time and space for introspection and reflection.

Now connect what fulfills you to the values underneath. If you wrote down "seeing my child grow up," that reflects family and care. Here are more examples of how activities map to values:

1. Completing a major project at work → Achievement. Dedication to goals and the satisfaction of overcoming challenges.
2. Conquering a fear of heights → Courage. Personal growth through expanding your comfort zone.
3. Learning to code → Learning. A commitment to self-improvement and mastery in a changing field.
4. Starting a side hustle → Autonomy. The empowerment that comes from building something of your own.
5. Saving a deposit for your first home → Responsibility. Financial foresight, discipline, and perseverance.

Action: Write down five activities or events that have brought you fulfillment. Identify the value underpinning each one and start your list.

Method 2: The values of people you admire

Think about the heroes, mentors, and inspirational figures who have shaped your worldview. What qualities do you respect in them? More often than not, the values of the people we look up to are a mirror reflecting our own.

To spark your reflection, here are ten notable figures and the values they're widely recognized for:

1. Nelson Mandela: resilience, leadership, equality
2. Malala Yousafzai: courage, education, women's rights
3. Mahatma Gandhi: non-violence, truth, self-discipline
4. Marie Curie: perseverance, intellectual curiosity, scientific integrity
5. Martin Luther King Jr.: justice, compassion, community
6. Simone Biles: determination, excellence, mental health advocacy
7. Ruth Bader Ginsburg: justice, equality, legal acumen
8. The Dalai Lama: compassion, spirituality, peace
9. Serena Williams: competitiveness, resilience, excellence
10. David Attenborough: curiosity, nature stewardship, patience

The values you admire in others are often a compass pointing toward your own North Star.

Action: Write down three people you admire and the values you believe they embody. Add any that resonate strongly to your list.

Method 3: Take the assessment

Reflection exercises reveal a lot, but they have a blind spot: we tend to select the values we aspire to rather than the ones we actually live by. That's why we built the Values App, a research-backed assessment used by 50,000+ people across 114 countries.

Instead of asking you to rate a list, it makes you choose between values, one trade-off at a time, because what you're willing to sacrifice reveals more than what you like. Your choices map a profile across forty-eight values, revealing your top five, your values archetype, and the gap between what you believe and how you live.

Prefer to watch before you take it? Here's the full walkthrough of the assessment and everything it unlocks:

If a lighter format appeals, the same engine powers a free values quiz that takes about three minutes. And if you're exploring values with your team, start with our guide to understanding the core values within your team or visit the workplace page.

Method 4: The Values List

You may have already surfaced some values through fulfillment and role models. Now let's go wider. Review the following categories and select the values that resonate. For a comprehensive directory, see our complete list of 149 core values, which includes a downloadable worksheet.

Two rules before you start. First, think about how you are rather than how you'd like to be. We're selecting core values, not ideals. Second, select a maximum of three values from each category. The point is to uncover the essence of what matters most, not to collect everything you desire.

Belonging	Growth
Love, Friendship, Respect, Fairness, Community, Empathy, Kindness, Intimacy, Family, Teamwork, Collaboration, Inclusion	Learning, Achievement, Curiosity, Balance, Physical Fitness, Mental Fitness, Skill Mastery, Resilience, Adaptability, Creativity, Courage, Honesty

Impact	Fulfillment
Influence, Status, Wealth, Credibility, Risk-Taking, Autonomy, Leadership, Advocacy, Visibility, Authority, Accomplishment, Reputation	Peace, Gratitude, Wisdom, Spirituality, Social Contribution, Nature Stewardship, Vocation, Philanthropy, Transcendence, Legacy, Altruism, Awe

You'll notice survival values are absent. That's deliberate: this discovery process focuses on the values that help you feel truly alive and thrive. (We'll return to survival values later, because they matter too.)

Action: Transfer your selected values, along with everything you identified earlier, onto a fresh list.

Narrow it down: your top five values

Now let's prune your list to five values you'd valiantly defend, values that can serve as guiding lights in decision-making. Subject each value on your list to these tests:

1. Essential to your identity. Ask, "Could I live without this value in my life?" If yes, cross it off. Your core values, if removed, would change the essence of who you are.
2. Gut check. Which values evoke a strong emotional response? Which ones feel like they fit? Trust your instincts.
3. Day-to-day alignment. Ask, "Do I practice this value every day?" The values we live so consistently that we overlook them are often the most important.
4. Future projection. Ask, "Does the future version of me prioritize this value?" Your values should align with the life you want to lead.
5. The elimination test. If you're stuck between values, imagine giving them up one at a time. The one you'd surrender first matters less.
6. Seek external insight. Discuss your list with a trusted friend or mentor. Others often see the values we embody more clearly than we do.

Remember, identifying your core values isn't about choosing what's most aspirational. It's about recognizing what's authentically you. And as you evolve, it's natural for your values to shift over time.

Action: Keep refining until five values remain. Then ask someone who knows you well whether these five accurately reflect who you are.

Intrinsic versus extrinsic values

With your top five in hand, it's time to examine what kind of values they are, because not all values serve you equally.

Extrinsic values are oriented toward external rewards or recognition: wealth, social status, physical attractiveness. There's nothing inherently wrong with them, but they depend on circumstances and other people's judgments, which makes them precarious. If your self-esteem relies heavily on extrinsic values, rejection and failure hit hard.

Intrinsic values are pillars supporting your sense of self. The satisfaction of acting on them comes from the act itself, not from what it earns you. Researchers Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, architects of self-determination theory, found that aligning with intrinsic values boosts well-being, resilience, and performance.

Here's the key insight: you have far more control over intrinsic values. You can practice patience, kindness, or creativity every single day, regardless of external circumstances. Extrinsic values often depend on economic conditions or approval from gatekeepers. So as you prioritize your core values, lean intrinsic. They provide a more stable foundation for well-being.

The intrinsic versus extrinsic test

Not sure which is which? For each value on your list, answer these four questions, marking I or E:

1. Motivation origin. Does the motivation come from within (satisfaction, joy, inner peace) or from outside (recognition, rewards, approval)?
2. Fulfillment source. Is fulfillment derived from the act itself (I) or from the outcome and recognition it brings (E)?
3. Consistency across contexts. Would you prioritize this value even if your circumstances changed dramatically? (Yes = I, No = E)
4. Independence from validation. Do you need external validation to find this value meaningful? (No = I, Yes = E)

Tally the letters. Mostly I's: the value is primarily intrinsic. Mostly E's: primarily extrinsic. An even split means the value holds both elements, which is common. Someone who values physical fitness might train partly for the feeling of health and vitality (intrinsic) and partly to meet external standards of appearance (extrinsic). Neither is wrong; awareness is the point.

Action: Score each of your five values. If your list leans heavily extrinsic, consider reintroducing an intrinsic value you crossed off earlier. Reflect on what will drive the greatest fulfillment over the course of your life.

Means versus end values

One more useful distinction. Some values are stepping stones. We call these means values: the rungs on a ladder, the "how" of your life. Learning, resilience, and collaboration are classic means values.

End values are the reason you climb the ladder in the first place. They define the "why": legacy, peace, social contribution, wisdom.

Most of us hold a scattering of both across the Values Pyramid, and that's healthy. Means values dominate the Survival layer, blend with end values through Belonging and Growth, and serve the end values that shine at Impact and Fulfillment. But if your list is heavily biased toward means values (just like extrinsic values), take a wide-angle view. Are you clear on the deeper, lifelong values that will contribute to a lasting sense of fulfillment?

Action: Label each of your values as means or end. Recalibrate if needed so your list balances the how with the why.

Make your values actionable

Now, test your values by turning words into behaviors. Take love. It's a wonderful value, but it's abstract. Even Dr. Anna Machin, a world-leading anthropologist and relationship expert I interviewed on my podcast, says there is no clear definition of love. So how do you live in alignment with something so ambiguous?

Transform the noun into a verb. "Love" becomes "loving." Instead of valuing love, you aim to be loving, and suddenly you can set a concrete intention: "Tonight, I will be a loving parent." The value becomes a behavior you can practice.

Why does this matter? Behavioral psychology shows that small, specific actions create a snowball effect, leading to broader emotional and psychological improvements (a concept known as behavioral activation). You can go one step further by making a value SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

For example, the value of health becomes: "I will focus on cardiovascular health (specific) by running for 30 minutes, three times a week (measurable), which fits my schedule (achievable), supports my long-term well-being (relevant), and I'll review my progress in two months (time-bound)."

Action: Turn each of your values into a verb. Can you actively practice each one every day? For extra power, attach a SMART action to each value.

The Rule of Three

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication," a line often attributed to Leonardo da Vinci. How many values are on your list right now? Five? Ten? That's too many.

Here's why less is more. If you're juggling a dozen core values, you'll struggle to make consistently aligned decisions. When everything is a priority, nothing is. The Pareto principle suggests that a few core values should guide the majority of your actions, becoming pillars that make it easier to prioritize, decide, and understand the trade-offs you're willing to make.

Three is the magic number. Triads are inherently engaging, satisfying, and memorable, which is why they appear everywhere from Caesar's "veni, vidi, vici" to Lincoln's "government of the people, by the people, for the people" to every story about three little pigs, bears, or wishes. Three values are easy to remember in the moment a decision arrives. A laundry list causes analysis paralysis.

(Brené Brown, in her work on courage and vulnerability, suggests narrowing to just two. I find three offers more flexibility while retaining focus.)

Here are nine techniques for trimming your five down to three:

1. Intuitive first pass. Skim your list and circle the values that immediately jump out. Trust your gut.
2. Visualization. Close your eyes and picture your ideal self in five years. Which values guide that person?
3. The five whys. For each value, ask "Why is this important to me?" five times in succession. This probes your underlying motivations.
4. Value pairing. Compare two values and ask, "If I could only live by one of these for the rest of my life, which would it be?"
5. Daily reflection. Over a week, note which values were most present (or most missing) in your daily actions.
6. Consult trusted people. Ask friends, family, or mentors which values they see you embodying most.
7. Crisis scenario. Imagine a challenging situation. The values that instinctively come to the fore in a crisis often hold deep significance.
8. Legacy reflection. What three values do you want to be remembered for? What will people say they admired about you?
9. Consolidation. Some words on your list may hold similar meanings for you. Kindness and generosity might consolidate into altruism. Your three values should be complementary but not too similar.

Action: Trim your list to three core values.

How to rank your top three

All three values are fundamental, but ranking them ensures clarity when values conflict, and they will conflict.

Consider Maya, an HR leader whose values, in priority order, are physical well-being, accomplishment, and respect. At 6 p.m., an email arrives: the CEO wants her at an impromptu strategy session at 7 p.m., exactly when her beloved Pilates class starts. Physical well-being versus accomplishment. Because Maya knows her ranking, she has options. She can politely decline the meeting, asserting a boundary that honors her top value. Or she can reframe: practice Pilates at home before the meeting, protecting her well-being while showing up for her career. Either way, the hierarchy gives her cognitive flexibility instead of resentment. And resentment is a poison you create for someone else and then drink yourself.

To rank your three values:

1. Deep reflection. For each value, consider how it manifests in your life and specific moments where it guided your decisions.
2. Impact and fulfillment. How does prioritizing this value enrich your life and the lives of those around you? How much genuine satisfaction does living it bring?
3. Consistency and resilience. Has this value been a steady guide across different phases of your life? Does your commitment hold even when circumstances change?
4. Comparative analysis. If you had to make a difficult choice that could only honor one value, which would it be? If people said only one thing about you at your funeral, what would you want it to be? That's your number one.
5. Rank and reflect. Order your values 1 to 3, then sit with the result. Does the ranking genuinely reflect what matters most to you?

If you get stuck, try our free values-based decision tool, or talk the choice through with someone who knows you well.

Action: Write down your top three values in order of importance.

Values as identity

Here's a shift that transforms values from a list into a way of being. Rather than valuing compassion, say, "I am a compassionate person." Rather than striving for courage, declare, "I am a courageous person."

This subtle linguistic move has profound implications. You're no longer aiming to act compassionately; you're being compassionate in every interaction. By defining values as core aspects of your identity, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy: a personal narrative in which your values become so deeply embedded in your sense of self that they become instinctive.

Action: For each of your top three values, write an identity statement in the format: I am a {value as adjective} person. Say them out loud. Better yet, say them in the mirror.

Don't forget the survival layer

We skipped the base of the pyramid during discovery, but survival values deserve a check-in, because when fundamental needs are at risk, our focus narrows and our higher values-based behavior short-circuits. That's by design; it's how we've survived.

The core survival values to monitor: safety, nourishment, economic stability, well-being, housing, protection, consistency, energy security, recovery, sanitation, and accessibility.

Action: Are all of your survival values being met? Which are most at risk? If they're satisfied, take a moment to express gratitude. Research links gratitude for life's foundations with improved mental and physical well-being.

Beware of junk values

One final audit before you finish. Whether we realize it or not, most of us have absorbed at least a few "junk values" from social media, convenience, and consumer culture.

The term comes from Johann Hari's book Lost Connections: just as junk food lacks the nutrients our bodies need, junk values lack the psychological sustenance our minds need. They prioritize material success, status, appearance, and approval over meaningful relationships, growth, and contribution. And like junk food, they feed a cycle of craving. The new phone, the high-status job title, the likes: each delivers a short buzz, then leaves you back at square one, if not worse, because chasing external validation shifts your focus away from what genuinely enriches your life.

Common junk values include materialism, fame-seeking, external approval, perfectionism, conformity, instant gratification, status, consumerism, envy, workaholism, victimhood, FOMO, and FOBO (fear of being offline).

How do you know when a junk value is running the show? Regret. Regret is a clear sign that a core value has been violated. Perhaps you value well-being but found yourself three episodes deep with a takeaway box at midnight. Perhaps you value kindness but shouted at the kids under pressure. Junk values surface most when we're stressed. Pay close attention to the feeling that follows.

Replace junk values with an if-then plan

Behavioral psychology offers a practical fix called if-then planning:

1. Awareness. Notice when you're about to act on a junk value.
2. Pause. Between stimulus and response there is a space, and in that space lies your freedom to choose. When in doubt, breathe out.
3. Redirect. Deploy your pre-planned response: if I'm reaching for fast food, then I'll grab the healthy option I prepared. Ask, "Which choice will make the future version of me proud?"
4. Reinforce. Celebrate small wins when your actions align with your values.
5. Repeat. Habits form through repetition; each aligned choice strengthens the identity you're building.
6. Resilience. If you falter, treat it as learning, not failure. It's not about perfection; it's about progress.

Want to see your own junk values clearly? Take the free Junk Values Audit.

Action: When do you experience regret? Identify the junk value behind it, name the core value it violates, and build an if-then plan.

What's next: from discovery to alignment

You now have three ranked, tested, actionable core values and a set of identity statements. That's the foundation. The real transformation happens when you use them: to set boundaries, make decisions, and align your daily behavior with what matters.

In the next guide, we cover how to select and rank your top three values in more depth, and if you'd like to be guided through this entire process with personalized insights, the Values App is the fastest way in.

Wishing you all the best on your discovery process.

Frequently asked questions

How many core values should I have? Three. Fewer than three (some experts suggest two) offers focus but less flexibility; more than five dilutes your attention and leads to choice overload. Three core values are easy to remember at the moment of decision and cover enough ground to guide most of life's trade-offs.

What's the difference between values and goals? Goals are destinations you reach and replace; values are directions you travel continuously. You can achieve "run a marathon" and be done. You never finish "health." Values generate goals, guide decisions between them, and remain your compass after each goal is complete.

Can my core values change over time? Values tend to be stable, but their priority order shifts with life circumstances: a new career, parenthood, loss, or growth can reorder what matters most. That's normal and healthy. Revisit your values annually, or after any major life change, to check they still reflect who you are.

What's the fastest way to discover my values? The free Values Assessment reveals your top five values in about three minutes by asking you to choose between values one trade-off at a time. For deeper self-knowledge, combine it with the reflection exercises in this guide: fulfillment mapping, role-model analysis, and the top-five tests.

What are junk values? Junk values are priorities absorbed from consumer culture and social media, like status, materialism, and external approval, that feel rewarding in the moment but lack the psychological nourishment of authentic values. The telltale sign of a junk value is regret after acting on it.

Are some values better than others? Research on self-determination theory shows intrinsic values (like kindness, learning, and creativity) support well-being, resilience, and performance more reliably than extrinsic values (like wealth, status, and appearance), because intrinsic values can be practiced daily regardless of circumstances.